When You're Bad, You're Usually, Unfortunately, Bad at Everything

Seems like the Lions -- unsurprisingly -- have picked the wrong season to have to hire a coach.

With all the good jobs available, perhaps they'll be lucky to pick up Caretaker. With his prison experience, he'd bring a whole new dimension to Coach Marinelli's Rod's "pound the rock" philosophy.

And, as a final tribute to the Lions' historically horrific season, let us celebrate mark it with the anthem of the one shining moment of glory in nineteen-freakin'-eighty. Another one bites the dust, indeed:

Non Sequitur of the Day: El Lay Nu Wavey Edition

"I remember hating you /

For loving me."

Slacker Friday: A Welcome and Some 60SB Housekeeping (Nothing to see here, people, move along...)

My Google followers increased 50% over Christmas!

Yesss! From two to three.

So, welcome, Brockeim, to my tens of readers, even fewer of whom are on the record.

Also, here are some phrases I'm tossing out there for SEO purposes -- let's see what happens: 60 seconds blog, sixty seconds blog, sixty seconds, 60 seconds, 60sb, 6osb.

Thank you. Carry on.

Fun with Pictures: Happy Boxing Day Edition

No:

No:


Maybe No:


No:


Ideally, yes:

More background here and here and here.

Enjoy the weekend.

When Lives Are In the Balance, It's Preferable to Avoid Taking a Mulligan

Not to question whether Prezdent Dubya would ever violate the Constitution -- ahhhh-hahahahahahaha -- but I don't see anything in the document that allows him to, ummm, undo a pardon.

Yet again, our president acts like a frat boy looking for an extension on his paper.

This Year's Christmas #1 in the U.K. is Even Stranger Than In "Love, Actually"

If England and the U.S. are two countries separated by a common language, may I also add their pop charts as another defining criteria?

In England, on its all-important Christmas chart, "Hallelujah," by Leonard Cohen, is charting at #1 and #2 and #36. The same song!

The cover that's driving it from the current winner of Simon Cowell's Idol rip-off homage, "The X Factor":



The Jeff Buckley take that prompted the re-visiting is here.

And the original from the great man, a looong time ago, probably pre-Rebecca DeMornay:



I'm figuring we'll see someone cover it on Idol beginning next month.

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: An Irish Christmas Edition

"And the bells were ringing out /

For Christmas Day."



Get some more interesting background information on the untimely death of the late, lovely Kirsty MacColl here.

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: Wishful Thinking Edition

"Happy Xmas (War is Over)"

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: Fresh Pairs of Adidas Edition

"Looked at his dog, oh my God, an ill reindeer."

Sometimes You Can Infer My Reality From My Posts

Today, I needed to check out the link below because of a circumstance which you can probably figure out, what with mucho holiday candy laying about.

So, from National Geographic: a very neat page allowing you to see how much chocolate it takes to injure your dog.

When one talks about chocolate labs, apparently it shouldn't be, like, literally chocolate.

Soup Nazi Handling Corporate Plane Perks for TARP Recipients

"Detroit, no planes for you!"

"But, Masters of the Universe, planes for you!"

Masters of the Universe, my ass. More like "Sandbaggers of Wall Street."

The Winter Solstice 2008: Pro and Con

Con: Yesterday was still Autumn, for God's sake!!!

Pro: Beginning now, more sunlight each day. . . so we can better discern the hypothermia in our digits and extremities.

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: Double Entendre Edition

"The call me Back Door Santa."

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: Barenaked Canadian Edition

"God rest ye merry gentlemen."

God, I love this version.

Sowing the Seeds of TARP

So Dubya got the Detroit bailout loan deal deal done.

Questions arise:

• The planner decider of a bungled 7 year invasion and occupation of Iraq who can't understand why Mr. Iraqi Shoethrower had "a beef" with him expects the 100-year-old U.S. auto industry to re-invent itself in ninety days?!
• Is it an opportunity, or just delaying the opportunity for the industry to fail into the next guy's watch?
• Is it a policy decision, or just the first down-payment on rehabilitating his domestic legacy?
• Is it a way to leverage Congress into releasing the second half of the TARP funds before Obama takes office, so Paulson can spend it all before January 20?

I just keep getting the feeling that, y'know, a blind squirrel does occasionally stumble across a nut. And I keep thinking of some lyrics:

"Time to eat all your words /

Swallow your pride /

Open your eyes."

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: Greedy Rodent Edition

"I Still Want a Hula Hoop."

Semi-Slacker Saturday: SEO Edition (Nothing to See Here, People)

I'm moving this off of my main page, 'cause it looks stuipid there:

And now, please allow me to spell and misspell my name for SEO purposes: Alexander Kuhne, Alexander Cooney, Lex Cooney, Alexander Kuhne, Lex Kuni, Lex Kunie, Lex Kunhe, Lex, Lex, Lex.

Thank you.

Alexandra Silber: A Birmingham Songress in London Doing Quite Well, Thank You

I mentioned a few months ago about how our old neighbor on Fairway, Alexandra Silber, was working her way down the British Isle in previews for a revival in London's West End of what Time called the greatest show of the 20th century, "Carousel."

So, the show's opened in London, and the reviews are pretty uniformly great, with good being the worst. The same for Al, who is the second female lead to Lesley Garrett, who is big in the U.K. The best U.S. analogy I can come up with for her place in U.K. pop culture is if you put Beverly Sills on Broadway in her heyday -- so Dame Lesley's kind of a big deal.

This is London summarizes many of the reviews, and will sell you some tickets, too.

What's On Stage does the same.

And, finally, Alex has blogged about it a bit.

Get caught up as Dame Lesley chats up the show:



Dame Lesley and Alex and cast do a promo appearance on one of the world's most watched TV shows (which you probably don't know about), Eurovision 2008:



And a montage from opening night:



Understand, this is pretty big, and damn cool for Birmingham -- the girl's a Groves grad. Our family loves Alex Silber and her parents, and we are so proud of her, and she is going to be huge, mark my words.

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: Sprinting Venison Edition

"Run run Rudolph."

If You Have to Explain to Somone Why They Have Made a Dumbass Move, It Probably Won't Prompt Them to Say "Gee, sorry." (OT)

I recently was forwarded the following e-mail, which can only be very charitably called spam.

Keep in mind that Snopes, unsurprisingly, nails it as utter bullshit:

--snip--

Welfare Poem - oh boy you will love this
...
I cross ocean,
Poor and broke,
Take bus,
See employment folk.

Nice man treat me
Good in there,
Say I need to
See welfare.

Welfare say,
'You come no more,
We send cash
Right to your door.'

Welfare checks,
They make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep
You healthy!

By and by,
I get plenty money,
Thanks to you,
American dummy.

Write to friends
In motherland,
Tell them 'come
Fast as you can.'

They come in turbans
And Ford trucks,
I buy big house
With welfare bucks

They come here,
We live together,
More welfare checks,
It gets better!

Fourteen families,
They moving in,
But neighbor's patience
Wearing thin.

Finally, white guy
Moves away,
Now I buy his house,
And then I say,
'Find more aliens
For house to rent.'
And in the yard
I put a tent.

Send for family
They just trash,
But they, too,
Draw the welfare cash!
Everything is
Very good,
And soon we
Own the neighborhood.

We have hobby
it's called breeding,
Welfare pay
For baby feeding.

Kid's need dentist?
Wife's need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!

American's crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
Running here.

We think America
Darn good place!
Too darn good for
The white man race.
If they no like us,
They can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan .

It is interesting that the federal government provides a
Single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00
And each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of$2,470.00 .

This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

Lets send this to all Americans, so we can all be ticked off
And maybe we can get the refugees cut back to
$1,012.00 and the pensioners up to $2,470 00 and enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 years.

Please forward to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing over the past 11 years - to the over-taxed American.

SEND THIS TO EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW

--snip--

Remarkably, it apparently was mailed out to an entire building full of co-workers. Knowing the original sender, I was prompted to hit Reply to All, and include a link to the Snopes piece and the poem engraved on the Statue of Liberty. (Maybe I still will.) But, again, would doing so be worthwhile? Would it even get through to someone who sent such an e-mail in the first place?

So, is this kind of act an individual aberration? (Did they even realize it might be a bad business move?) Or is it indicative of a broader racist, whiny, selfish, xenophobic, small-minded, America-is-a-zero-sum-proposition mindset that is, essentially, un-American?

As Alexis de Tocqueville may have said, "America is great because she is good, and if America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great."

On This Evening of a Snow Storm in Michigan, Thousands of Ice Cubes Are Being Flushed Down Toilets

In our house tonight, in an effort to prod a snow day along, a spoon is under a pillow, jammies are on backwards (or should they be inside-out?), and ice cubes have been flushed.

Until the last few years, I'd never heard of these superstitions, even growing up around here. Wonder where they first started.

Last Winter, NPR took a shot at answering, here.

The Tigers' New Catcher Married Well

The Tigers have signed free agent catcher Matt Treanor from the Marlins.

Sweet! Hope the missus takes some time off to visit him in The D. She sits down to chat, with her co-worker:

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: Band Aids

"Do they know it's Christmastime at all?"

The original from 1984:



One I didn't even know existed: BandAid2, from 1989-ish. I'm not sure I recognize anyone other that Lisa Stansfield and Bananarama:



Lastly, the most recent, BandAid20, with a few more A-List performers:

Christmas Non Sequitur of the Day: Gabba Gabba HoHoHo Edition

"Merry Christmas /

I don't want to fight tonight."

If It's "Detroit's Last Winter," Can It Please Be Because of Global Warming?

Time offers a few very nice and thoughtful takes about the troubles 'round my home.

Check out the cover story, and the sidebar.

Remember, you can't spell "drama" without The D.

Fun with Etymology: CSI Edition

Amidst the deep sadness of the Caylee Anthony matter in Florida, I have noticed one thing in the coverage: investigators who used to be described in copy as "forensics experts" are now referred to as "CSI." (Note: each link is the first return on their respective Google searches.)

Life imitates fiction imitating life.

Whatever Political Good Barack Obama Has Wrought, This Totally Undoes

If a "Charlie Brown Kwanzaa" is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

The language is ridiculously racist racial and NSFW, but gratifying, in a twisted, cathartic, cartoonishly voyeuristic fashion:




Black Charlie Brown - video powered by Metacafe

Non Sequitur of the Day: Christmas Standard Edition

"The twelve days of Chirstmas."

Today -- and any day before December 25th -- aren't one of them, you know.

And if you don't believe me, I'm gonna send the ghost of Johnny Cash over to teach ya.

The Only Joint In this Operating Agreement is the One They're Smoking If They Think This is Going to Work

As someone who actually cared about getting the JOA approved in 1989 between the Free Press and News, and who is obsessive enough to notice that they've been breaking the law when joint publishing on holidays (instead of only on weekends), and had friends on both sides of the strike, and who was offended by Gannett basically thumbing its nose at the industry, the market and the law by buying out Knight Ridder, today's announcement that the Freep and the News are going to be home delivered only three days a week would've been a stake in my heart. . . if they hadn't already broken it into a million pieces.

Yes, the CSM is going online only, and Entertainment Weekly is reportedly thinking about it, but living in the first major metropolitan area without a daily newspaper delivery? Oy.

I'd say that they last person leaving Detroit should turn out the lights, but the bulb's been foreclosed on.

Dozens of Wrongs Plus One Don't Make a Right

For all the obvious, (probably justified) piling upon B-Rod, I had a sense of unease listening to Fitzgerald's press conference and his repetitive hyperbolic outrage, from a legal ethics perspective.

This post puts that unease pretty well.

The Ways Detroiters Can Offend Fellow Americans Appears Endless

New dating series, "Momma's Boys," on NBC. First, the apostrophe is in the wrong place -- plural possessive should be "Mommas'" -- but that doesn't look good enough for TV, people. Secondly, though -- stop by to check out the tarts in bikinis, stay for the racist mom from the suburbs of Detroit! Sweet!

^= And look: it's a Penthouse Pet of the Year as a contestant! And a Playboy Playmate! Quelle surprise!

Non Sequitur of the Day: Classic Mercenary Rock Edition

"Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner."

Fun with Etymology: Auto "Bailout" Edition

Cars:

"Cars":



"Cars":



Carr:


Kar's:



Car Show:


"My Mother the Car":



Car Czar:

If You Had a Christmas Wish, Would It Be Not Having to Wait In Line to See Santa?

Santa's streaming, kids!

Online TV Shows by Ustream

Adventures in Internet Logrolling: Some 60SB Love from MLive

The clearly brilliant and discerning Flint Journal columnist Andrew Heller gave 60SB's Twitter Division a shout-out today in his new blog's 60SB homage pondering Dominic Raiola flipping off Lions fans last Sunday.

As a thank you, next month, I'm going to try to meet up with him and start a twelve-step about turning 46. Promise.

20% of America's Fastest Dying Towns Are In Michigan

Woo-hoo! According to Forbes, props sympathies go out to Burton and Hamtown.

Who says Michigan is a total failure? At least some of our communities are succeeding at failing.

Congress has Run the Wars So Well, Let's Bring that Management Flair Home

I cannot tell you how gratified I am that Congress is finally putting its foot down to impose some decent managerial oversight on an operation that's been undermining the American economy and has the potential to lose taxpayers tens of billions of dollars.

What?! The government is going to oversee the auto industry?!

Oh. I thought it was going to be The Wars.

From an original estimate of $50-$60 billion, we are now looking at a total expense in Iraq and Afghanistan of somewhere between $1 trillion to $3 trillion.

You can watch the tab run up in real time here.

And the Detroit 3 are being made to dance for $25 billion $34 billion $17 billion $15 billion?

If only Chris Dodd and his pals would look themselves in the mirror when both American blood and money are on the line.

Remarkable.

If Jay Leno at 9 p.m. is Sort of Late Night TV, It's Because His Viewers Eat Dinner at 4 p.m.

So, if Jay Leno is going to be on in prime time five days a week, are his ratings and cancellability going to be judged against late night or prime time standards?

I've always thought that living in the Central time zone would be advantageous from a television-watching perspective. But having Jay Leno in your face nightly at 9 p.m.? Oy.

Today, network TV died just a bit more.

Non Sequitur of the Day: Congress as Capitalist Tools Edition

"God damn your confusion."

Timekilling Sites for a Good Cause: Slacker Saturday Edition

To help feed people, go to FreeRice.com.

To help feed dogs, got to FreeKibble.com.

To help feed kitty cats, go to FreeKibblekat.com.

Non Sequitur of the Day: Thatcherism in Today's America Edition

"Money's too tight to mention /

Cut-back!

Mo-ney mo-ney mo-ney mon-ey."

Finally, a Decent Xmas Music Playlist

Check out the Santa Lounge at SOMA.fm.

Cheers to Wil Wheaton, via Twitter, for the tip.

Yes, you recognize the name.

It Sounds Like the Matt Millen of Premiership, Only Worse

If Michael Jordan went to coach the Clippers, then didn't attend practice and only communicated with management via text, including his resignation, that would be like Roy Keane's career as manager for Sunderland in the English Premiere League.

And we thought Matt Millen was distant.

Admittedly, Roy was a bit on the emotional side:

Karma is a Bitch

As O.J. finally, thankfully discovers.

Non Sequitur of the Day: Magazine Positioning Edition

"Think. Again."

I'm not totally sure what The Atlantic is going for, but for some strange reason, their "What's the cost of being a nerd?" is resonating with me, strongly.

'Tis the Season to Discuss Mysterious Births

I generally don't care what you do behind closed doors, if what you do there doesn't affect how you get a job or do your job.

So, typically, if unrequited VPILF Sarah Palin wanted to go back to Alaska and say whatever she wanted to about the birth of sweet Trig, that would be fine, and all would be cool. Go hang with some mother-humpin' moose, for all I care.

But some, even conservatives, continue to be concerned that something is amiss in her story, which, as we all know, has been a large part of her charming of the evangelical Republican base.

But, like, does this picture look like the tummy of someone who's about three weeks from giving birth?

So, check out a thorough summary of theories, pro and con, at Andrew Sullivan's blog, first here, and just today here.

A Tip for Detroit Acting Talent

My buddy, the highly talented Kiff Vanden Heuvel, sends along a tip for the Detroit acting pool: one of Chicago's top casting companies is holding a seminar on how to audition better.

Hey, if I can turn you into a working actor, maybe I can turn you into a client.

Detroiters Actually Not Blot on America, Film at 11

Dear America,

Just so you don't think that we Detroiters only sit around and figure out ways to build gas guzzlers and featherbed union members -- as if -- check out this recent roundtable of some local big thinkers talking about Detroit becoming, perhaps, a "city on a hill."

The video is good stuff, even though I can't embed it here.

As to acheiving the theme of the meeting, fingers crossed.

Your host for the event: Craig Fahle of WDET-FM's "Detroit Today."

Stephen Harper circa 2008 Channels Dubya circa 2000-present

Ummm, has anyone else noticed that our favorite only neighbor to the north is in the midst of a major constitutional crisis?

Let's see, a seemingly out-of-touch, hyper-partisan conservative leader overplays his hand, leading to widespread discord amongst the government and its populace calling for his leaving office.

This after he weaseled thru an October election, and now an unelected member of government will decide if he stays in power or goes.

Even if the timeline is a bit jumbled, does that sound somewhat familiar?

However, instead of not impeaching him, like Democrats could won't do in the U.S., the opposition parties in Canada have basically contracted amongst themselves to dump the bastard.

How very civilised and Canadian, eh? You can follow the updates here and here.

Now, I'm off to Tim Horton's.

Non Sequitur of the Day: The Retail End Is Nigh Edition

"The end of the consumer-based economy."

Oh, crap.

Timewasters of the Day: Static Cartoon Edition

In wandering The Internets, I recently stumbled across these, permitting me a theme post!

Santa's e-mail box; cheers (I think) to Gizmodo:


And one of the best editorial cartoons of all time, period; I laughed myself sick when I first read it. Cheers to TVBarn:

Metaphorically, Kwame and Christine Could Star in an Adaptation of "Twilight"

The Kwame Kilpatrick/Christine Beatty affair(s) wrapped up Monday, when Christine plead out. I weigh in late because, happily, I've been busy.

This whole thing has been tragic in so many ways, both personally and regionally. I'm no shrink, but I have a theory that one thing happening could've made this whole thing avoidable.

If we can stipulate that Kwame and Christine were more that "just friends" at Cass Tech, my guess is that it was probably some parental interference that kept them from getting married. Perhaps she wasn't "good enough" for the son of a Congresswoman. When led them to marry other people, but, ahem, "keep in touch."

Admittedly, sometimes when parents "know better" about love, it turns out they don't. Which creates pain . . . or a bestselling series of novels turned blockbuster.

^= "No, my fingers ain't too pudgy to text! You crazy!"

Non Sequitur of the Day: Bahston New Wave Edition

"It's an orangy sky."

Sarah Goes Down to Georgia

So, the devil went down to Georgia, she was looking for some votes.

Or money.

Or self-aggrandizing ego gratification.

But she certainly wasn't looking for her office in Juneau, y'know?

Check out Primus' cover:

Primus - The Devil Went Down To Georgia
by Dan_of_the_Land

Timewaster of the Day: Double-Oh Edition

Make yourself a Bond Baddie.

Man, those Brits sure do love James Bond, except for when they don't. This time, it's the theme song; judge for yourself, with Alicia Keyes and Jack White:

Non Sequitur of the Day: Puns On Holiday Retailing Media Cliches Edition

"*Sigh* Brrrrr Monday."

In and around The D, and then everywhere else.