U.S. Taxpayers Subsidizing Evil Football Empre

Hank Paulson had a bad day Monday.

Could get worse.

With the now-80% U.S. Government-(sorta)-owned AIG continuing to pay on its $100M US deal to sponsor Man U's kits, Hank could be fan of Chelsea.

Friday Night's Debate, after a Weekend of Fermentation

"America, how can you vote for a man who doesn't can't give a man he's talking to the courtesy of eye contact?"

"What is he hiding? If he's trying to hold his temper now, what will he do when things get really tough?

"Suspend the country?

"I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message."




Ooops. Seems Gramps' temper seeped out just a wee bit:



Will the FCC come calling?

And finally:

"Yeah, yeah, good to see you, too. Here's a finski, go get me car #12."

We <3 our Old Neighbor

The absolutely lovely and ridiculously talented Birmingham Groves graduate Alexandra Silber is starring in a revival of Carousel, which has opened on the road in the U.K. on its way to London's West End.

The first review has popped up, and it's quite positive.

You should also check out her blog.

Congrats, Al, from Chez Kuhne. We're proud of you, and miss you and your mom lots. Break a leg.

This week, it's Game On

Are you ready for some hockey?

A memory, pre-Bettman:



Cheers to Hockey Dino for the reminder.

Is Letterman's Staff Reading Me?

Might one of them be amongst the tens of readers I have?

Unlikely, but it's nice to know that we think alike re: McCain.

Behold last night's Top 10 List beginning thusly:

Top Ten Surprising Facts About Sarah Palin presented by residents of Wasilla, Alaska

Sometimes Sarah calls John McCain "grandpa" Interior Designer, May-Lynn Pauling

The video is here.

McCain's Suspension Must Mean Hosiery Support

Suspension?

Suspension?

Suspension?

I'm not buying it. Letterman didn't and still doesn't.

Gramps just didn't want to spend any more money buying ads while his world was flipping.

In Gramps' world, suspension is what he wears over his socks.

Governance by spasm is no way to run a campaign the country.

Sarah's Field Trip to the Big Apple!

Dear Diary,

I'm off to the Big Appel for my first big solo trip as Big John's care giver running mate BFF new trophy wife-to-be.

Everybody seemed real nice, except for this one snobby exchange student from the You Kay.

But people keep asking me questions! They didn't tell me their was gonna be a quiz!

Sarah

Why Do Republicans Hate America?

And McCain "rushing to the rescue" gumming up the works doesn't seem to be helping.

When your policies have created the problem, common decency dictates that you should shut up and get with the consensus.

But maybe Gramps can still get this weekend off, and Moose Mom will get a pass on next week's assignment.

Fun on the Internets: Paulson Strategies Nigerian?

Would be too funny if it didn't hit so close to home:

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

(Day After) Holiday Slacking

When you're one day late mentioning "Talk Like a Pirate Day," what does that make you?

T-Arrrr!-dy.

Yo ho ho.

Today's Fun With Etymology!

Pinconning

Pinheads:

Non Sequitur of the Day: World Economy Edition

"USSR, GDR, London, New York, Peking /
It's the puppets, It's the puppets /
Who pull the strings."

It's Ryder Cup Fever, Baby!

Somewhere, Tiger sorta doesn't care, the U.S. doesn't care that he doesn't care, 'Zinger's jacked, and Monty is sticking voodoo pins in a wee 'lil Nick Foldo doll. The EuroWAGs are fun, though they apparently can't counteract those pins: Paddy's quitting the team.

Go U.S.A. Please, please avenge the carnage of Oakland Hills.

Gramps: Spain is a Punk, and They Don't Serve Poutine, Either, so They Better Dance (OT)

"My friends, when I spent five years as a POW, I didn't have any allies outside of my cell, and certainly no maps."

Perhaps that's why he won't commit to meeting with the president of NATO ally Spain, after he agreed to, notes AmericaBlog.

Perhaps he's just losing lost it.

Based on past history, perhaps it just doesn't matter (from around the 2000 Michigan primary at TVBarn Archives). Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose (for our bilingual ally, Canada):

"So I get a phone call this morning from CBC Radio News. Seems there's this videotape of George W. Bush at a Michigan press conference last week taking a question from a Canadian reporter. The reporter then pointed me to Al Kamen's item in Thursday's Washington Post, which revealed that the "reporter" was actually a cast member on "This Hour Has 22 Minutes," the very funny satirical show on CBC-TV that I wish I could get in the States. "The prime minister of Canada, Jean Poutine," the reporter said, "has said you look like the man who should lead the free world into the 21st century." Bush replied enthusiastically, "Well, I appreciate his strong statement ... He understands I believe in free trade ... that I want to make sure our relations with our most important neighbor to the north of us, the Canadians, is strong." Just one problem: Jean Chretien is the PM in Canada. Kamen gave the governor the benefit of the doubt, suggested maybe Dubya was thinking of Vladimir Putin, the Russian head man. But as several of TV Barn's faithful Canadian readers pointed out today, that's not the joke. "When they referred to the Canadian minister as 'Jean Poutine,' it was hilarious to the show's target audience," writes Lex Kuhne. "Because, as all Canadians know, poutine is a regional Quebecois dish, typically a side, consisting of french fries, brown gravy and cheese curds (or plain cheddar will do in a pinch). So, not only does the bit show Bush for a doofus, but I bet it really made its audience laugh." And anyway, Kamen filed his story before he had a chance to see Bush make a complete nincompoop of himself on "Late Show with David Letterman." I suppose no one these days expects a Republican candidate for president to have complete mastery over current events, any more than he's expected to know how to anticipate those annoying little one-second delays when having a conversation via satellite. On the other hand, as president he'll be expected to have both skills pretty much down pat, so now's as good a time as any for George W. to start."

Gramps & VPILF Aren't Laughing with Chris Matthews, They're Laughig at Him

Boehlert does a fine job at MM, and calls the public yawn over the MSM calling out the candidates -- especially Gramps -- "post-press."

A kissing cousin to post-intellectual, but close enough to raise alarm.

Music to Financially Melt Down By

Black Blue Monday.

Wall Street: W & Co. Channel Kevin Bacon

The reality.

Here, too.

The half-hearted response from Tha Decidur:

An Open Letter: "Where You Been?" Edition

Dear Wall Street World,

Welcome to our party.

You're about seven years late.

Kisses,

Michigan

Non Sequitur of the Day: Wall Street Edition.

"Schadenfreude"

When Oliver Stone had Gordon Gekko say, "Greed is good," it was supposed to be ironic! A cautionary tale! He was named after a lizard, for God's sake!

But, then, nothing new: "Wall Street," say hello to "Born In the USA."

Moose Mom Mania: Princess Di Redux

VPILF's "Oooh, Shiny"-ness seems to be dimming, at least a bit.

The whole spasm of emotion on her emergence-- both pro and con -- reminds me of Princess Di's life and death.

Like, "It felt right at the time, but, gee, perhaps we should've been a bit more rational."

Well, when reality intrudes, ya think?

Ahh, to yearn for the simple times of vital national debate regarding porcine make-up.

This Would Be "The McCain Mutiny" if Anyone Could Still Afford Ball Bearings

Have the Wingnut Chattering Class just now realized that VPILF Moose Mom is unqualified to be a heartbeat away? Or are they just getting ahead of the fallout?

In the meantime, one good throwing-under-the-bus deserves another. Carly, you've been downsized.

And the Turd Blossom jumps ship, too (as if he would know what 100% 1% truth would look like). Behold:

God's Meteorological Payback Can Be a Bitch

Dear God:

If Rev. Hagee -- whose endorsement Sen. McCain Gramps courted -- said that Hurricane Katrina was Your will because You were punishing New Orleans for hosting a Gay Pride parade, then is Your 2008 hurricane season, during which You are unleashing Your wrath unto states run by Republic governors. . . similar divine intervention?

If not, if it's all random weather development, would You please ensure Rev. Hagee pays for his blasphemy in Your name?

Thank you.

And now, some appropriate music:

Ex-Pageant Girl VPILF Fails Civics, Doesn't Want World Peace

Any student taking a foreign affairs political science test in college high school middle school would need to explain the Bush Doctrine in order to get a passing grade.

Apparently, the standards for one heartbeat away from the Leader of the Free World are a wee bit lower.

By any standard, she has received an irredeemable flunking grade.

However, behold her technique:



A pause, a re-group, and a vague request for re-phrasing to buy a moment to think.

Know where that comes from?

Miss Wasilla, First Runner-up.

That is straight-up pageant interview technique. Behold.



Wonder how that would work with Putin -- he's right next door, she's got him down.

Right?

Change We Can Believe In: Bedsheet Edition

Oh.

My.

God.

Or, perhaps the guy horrifically stupid, racist moron was thinking about new set of sheets for his boudoir, located in the front of his place, over his trailer hitch.

Cheers to Wonkette.

Non Sequitur of the Day

"Sedona Barbie" and her BFF, "Wreckless Midge."

VPILF Info: Binge and Purge Edition

Some VPILF background, for your convenience.

> She's driving some people crazy, which seems to have been part of her job description.

> LA Progressive wades into the muck of Palin's Alaska.

> And then provides some on-the-record background by a lady who's willing to lay it on the line.

> And a supposed Democratic opposition research report from her last election.

Now. . . for the love of God, let's stop.

For an American citizenry that has the attention span of an ADD chihuahua on a triple espresso, the Palin choice, now that she's flying solo, will boil down to: "Oooh, shiny."

The history shows: this too, shall pass. Behold the Ferraro bounce: favorables don't necessarily translate into votes.

Keep your eye on the ball, people: "It's the economy, stupid."

And, really, can Mrs. McCain $300K Outfit really be part of team that cares about your money woes, especially in Michigan?

Nope.

Putting Lipstick on Hypocritical Whiners

Wah-wah-wah.

"Lipstick on a pig" is a common, asexual idiom, you idiots.

McCain uses it, too.



And Moose Mom thinks female candidates shouldn't whine, and just get over it.



Hypocrites.

Don't you dare apologize, Barack.

Democrats must dismiss this stuff, or the Republican record gets ignored, and that's where they must be held responsible.

OMG, a Congressman Actually Says "Uppity"

It's fun to be right, but sad when it's about stupid racist officeholders. . . did I need to say "Republican," or would that have been redundant?

Fried Pieces of Dough are Always a Winner

I just realized: for the record, I've eaten 7 doughnuts today.

Three Krispy Kremes for breakfast.

Two in the afternoon, and two for dessert, from Franklin Cider Mill.

Homer would be so proud.

Gambling on Language: Personal Slur Edition

I'd been thinking. . .

Odds that someone in the Obama campaign publicly refers to John McCain, like I do, as Grandpa Simpson: 1 million to one.

Odds that someone from the McCain campaign gets caught calling Barack Obama "uppity," or something along those lines: 3 to 2.

Good odds, but not a sure thing.

And then. . . the Alaskan Straight Slur Express rode into town:

The VPILF-to-be called Barack Obama Sambo?!

Really? That's so Aunt Jemima-y.

I guess what happens in Wasilla doesn't necessarily stay in Wasilla.

I don't collect on my bet. I await the uproar from the Rev. Wright accusers. But now I'm hungry; who's up for pancakes?

Top Five Reasons You Should Vote For Smarts Over Guts

Frank Rich in NYT sytematically reminds us that McCain, like W, goes with his gut lot, and his gut usually has shit for brains.

Like the ostensible VPILF-to-be's vetting was essentially non-existent, a flyer. Or, sez Gramps, "a Google."

Dear God, he is not only technologically illiterate in a high-tech world, but he's the only person in the world who uses "Google" as a noun instead of a verb.

Oy.

Oh. And Gramps sez Gov. Palin also "works with her hands and her nose."



While rockin' a bikini and packing serious heat, no doubt.

GOP Flip-Flops, and they Ain't on Their Feet

The hypocrisy of the talking points coming out of St. Paul is so staggering that my screen is melting.

Why must a reformed stand-up comedian be the only one calling this stuff out?

Watch and ponder:

Late night TV habits of Oakland County GOP

Freep: Last night, two people attended the McCain speech watching party at his Oakland County headquarters.

Well, when you hit the Early Bird Dinner special at 4:30 p.m., that's a long time to stay awake and not be hungry.

While You Sleeping (During the Speech): McCain's Speech Translated

My synopsis of Sen. McCain's speech:

"My friends, President Bush horribly screwed me and my family in 2000, then I was a 'maverick' by hating and occasionally opposing him. Then I (literally) embraced him and his policies in order to get the nomination of his and my Republican party. Now, my friends, I'm not even mentioning him in this speech and am pretending he has nothing to do with me and the party. If I'm president, my friends, I'm going to fix change everything he and th Congress that I've been in for 25 years, and which my party ran for 12 years until you kicked us out, have done over the last eight years. Really, my friends. Really."

"Did I mention I was a P.O.W.?"

"I'm John McCain. America's Mulligan."

Spite Doesn't Seem To Be a Good Philosophy of Governance

VPILF as Gramps' cranky "nyah nyah nyah" at W and Rove?

Oy.

"Heidi! Heidi!" "Grandfather! Grandfather!" >>>

A Private Major League Baseball Game

Tiger fans are fickle?

Braves at Marlins: attendance of 600.

Cheers to Deadspin.

Drill, I say! Drill! Drill!

More offshore drilling is not the answer. But if we need a new law to move things along -- even though nothing now is preventing the oil companies from doing so on the 44 million acres they have under lease -- may I suggest a clause for the bill?

Every drop of oil from this legislation has to be sold and consumed in the United States.

Otherwise, domestic energy security is just a cover for increase Big Oil profits generated in foreign lands -- and at home, too.

Cheers to Trading Places for headline inspiration.

Kwame's Had a Bad Day

Hizzoner finally cops a plea.

Yet, amazingly, he will not shut up.

And he's such a baby.

How'd he get George Orwell to write his speech?

This one goes out to him and Carlita:

Baby Daddies in the Republican Alternate Reality

Gov. Pain: "Our family has the same ups and downs as any other ... the same challenges and the same joys."

Translation: In order to further my career -- and distract from my being not qualified -- we are stage managing in front of the world the shotgun marriage of our pregnant teen daughter who we apparently have failed as parents. And if she wasn't living at home with us, my decision as governor would leave her totally screwed.

Result: Republican rapture.

Yet, I'm wondering if Republican core winguts would feel the same away -- all "family values" warm and fuzzy -- if the pregnant teen in question was African-American, lived on the South Side of Chicago, and whose father was running as, say, the Democratic candidate for President.

Or, for that matter, any office.

I'm thinking the vibe they'd be putting out would invoke something like this:











For me, I and most progressives wish the young couple the best. If the baby's healthy, if they work it out as a family, it's all good.

But the family, and the people in that arena, who so ruthlessly judge others unlike themselves the other three years three hundred and sixty one days between conventions?

Hypocrites.

Yogi Berra has a Message for Kwame

Just remember...

It ain't over 'til the fat mayor pleads.

VPILF's Sales Pitch

Dear Gov. Palin:

Nice speech. Despite the sarcasm, you sold me. So please add one more Thin Mint, and one more Samoa, to my order.

Also, her speech advisers have put out a video of their vision of the country after a McCain-Palin administration.

Good day, eh?

Ya hoser.

Fear of Terrorism Wanes, Fermenting Fear of Fellow Americans is Plan B

When all else fails, give the Republican base what it wants:

Culture Wars!

It's on, baby!



The late Molly Ivans: Buchanan's1992 RNC keynoter "sounded better in the original German."

Harry Caray has a Message for Kwame

Big day for Mayor Kilpatrick.

I'm not sure how, but I'm confident of the outcome:

See ya, dude.

Does the Salmon at Costco come from Alaska?

The term came from Pawlenty, but why Sam's Club Republicans? Why not Costco? Is Costco too blue-statey -- dare I say too "elite?"

Ya gotta be kidding.

Republicans are now trying to appeal to penny-pinching big box shoppers, and not country club members? Really? Where they been? They think most country club members are Democrats?

Again, Republican anti-intellectualism is hidden under the guise of anti-elitism.

If Oakland County truly is a key battleground, if struggling families are key, then they better get that it Costco's the big dog in these parts.

If they're maverick enough.

I Guess Disney, Rupert Murdock and Sumner Redstone Must Be Obama Supporters

Liberal Media not telling the truth?

Liberal Media harassing poor Sarah Palin?

Or, is "Liberal Media" OK when it gives you a hug and buys into your narrative?

Maybe Gov. Palin is being covered so thoroughly because of the four top nominees, she's the only one we haven't been hearing from daily for two years. Forget red meat; for the voracious 24-7 news cycle, regardless of party, she would be fresh meat.

Is VPILF a Judd Apaptow fan?

As unfortunate the situation -- made worse by mom -- here is why Bristol Palin should be part of the discourse, at least for a moment:

1. Her mother very publicly used her as a prop to try to get a promotion, in a way that put her daughter under unneeded scrutiny. Watch last week's videos -- poor Bristol's a deer in the headlights, hanging onto the cover of the baby for dear life -- and she did not have to be at a PR event;

2. Bristol and her boyfriend -- however "psyched" they say they are -- are being forced to dramatically alter their lives in an rushed fashion, arguably to help her mother's career;

3. If elections are about character, and "family values", how parents interact with use their children is on the table;

4. If you're in one of the top two slots of an organization which harshly judges other persons' sexual behavior -- whether those person are gay, or want to legally terminate a pregnancy -- then squaring how you live your live -- and raise your family -- within those policies gauges how much of a hypocrite you are.

5. As I've mentioned recently, Gramps has regularly used Chelsea Clinton as a harsh, homophobic punchline, so please, don't tell me "kids are off limits."

In short, if you live your life or run your business in a way that's working for you, then you don't need government or the rights it protects. But when it hits the fan, whether at work or at home, then, suddenly, you want to be in Sweden.

Again... hypocrites.

Non Sequitur of the Day

(Arguably an excuse to play one of my favorite covers of all time),
this one goes out to the lovers and the haters at the Republican National Convention in the Twin Cities:

"Love is all around."

JFK in Detroit, Labor Day, 1960 Presidential Campaign:

Yesterday:

Governor Williams, the next Governor, John Swainson, ladies and gentlemen; My friend and colleague, Senator McNamara; Friday night we campaigned in Portland, Maine, Saturday at noon we went to San Francisco, Saturday night we went to Alaska; tonight we are in Detroit. We did not make that trip for pleasure. We made it because we believe it is vitally important that the Democratic Party win this election. This country cannot afford, nor can the whole free world afford, four more years of a do-nothing Republican leadership. (Applause)

I am delighted to be here, to participate in the Labor Day ceremonies tomorrow. It is a great occasion. But I can assure you that if we are successful in the election in November that the vacation for this country will be over. (Applause)

Today in The D, and elsewhere:

First Day of School Tomorrow

Sing with me...