Non Sequitur of the Day

You're a bad stain /
And you need to be cleaned up.

Uniforms Make the Man (Do Stupid Things)

On Monday, Moose Mom got the Lee County, Florida (Fort Myers) sheriff, Bull Connor Mike Scott, to introduce her and call out "Barack Hussein Obama" to the frothing audience.

First, I thought, very tricky, Mike. Is your middle name "Hunt," you dumb-ass?

Second, I thought, wtf? He's in uniform.

Well, apparently, others have thought the same.

Mike's plans for the week have changed.

In in legendary words of Astro, rut-ro.

VPILF Sarah Palin's Top 13 Movies

13. Mean Girls

12. Mystery, Alaska

11. Discipline

10. 1984

9. Grumpy Old Men

8. Network

7. Heathers

6. Big Fat Liar

5. Dave

4. Working Girl

3. The Candidate

2. Reds

1. Knocked Up

Gramps Confuses Number As Noun

I'm confused, John.

Is Obama "The One?"

Or just "That One?"

Seems erratic.

Either way, my friends, McCain's lost it, in every way that that means.

Barack's Killer Line for This Evening

As it becomes ever-more entirely clear that Gramps would rather sacrifice any shred of honor or decency he has left in this campaign in order to try to win, it reminds me of George Santayana's quote: "Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it."

So, let us return to fifty years ago, when crazed, fear-based demagoguery crap finally met its match, when a fed-up nation's frustration came to a head in a great American ah-ha moment, when evil finally met its match in the seven words of an American speaking truth to power:

"Have you no sense of decency, sir?"

Country first, my ass.

Go get 'em, Barack:

Value Added Tips for Your Next Strip Club Visit

Not that I've ever been, mind you, but I've heard that if you tip 'em an extra fiver during a lap dance, they'll wink at you, a lot.

Speaking of which, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the debate performance of the 2008 Republican candidate for Vice-President of the United States:

The First Rule of Being a Maverick

... is like the first rule of being cool.

You never say that you're "cool."

It's soo un-cool.

So, it's very un-mavericky to call yourself a "maverick."

Speaking of un-mavericky "maverickiness":

The NFL Is ALL About Going Veggie, Right?

I'm all for licensing great old songs to generate new revenue for deserving artists.

However, the NFL Network using the wistful "Every Day is Like Sunday" for its branding, however, is scrambling my brain.

Other than including the word "Sunday," the song has NOTHING to do with American football. Really, truly: do Americans indulge in overweight, steroid-fueled pseudo-gladitorial mayhem on a daily basis?

Oh, wait. Never mind.

I hope Mr. Meat Is Murder Morrissey is buying a boatload of tofu to smother his memory of this spasm of avarice.

Check out the video. Screams "Are You Ready for Some Football," don't it?

Now We Now What Joe Knollenberg Is, as well as His Price

"Toilet" Joe Knollenberg is my lame-ass wingnut congressman. His nickname derives from his biggest legislative act in 16 years, such as it is.

Knollenberg scraped out a win in 2006 against an underfunded opponent, and he's in the national Dems' crosshairs this time around.

So -- regardless of what you think about the financial bailout legislation -- when last week he voted for the "sweetened" version of the bill four days after he voted against it, a question was answered:

He's a pork-addicted hypocrite who has no freakin' clue.

So, with "Toilet" Joe on the can ropes, I say: Go Gary Peters.

Here's Gary at the Obama Town Hall in Troy that I went to:

Shock Wins! Shock Wins!

Big congrats to MVP Katie and the girls.

Too bad the league's Olympic hiatus pushed the win back into football and baseball playoffs, causing it to get lost in the sports news shuffle.

Hell, they even got shuffled off from the Palace to Ypsilanti.

But, hey, a dynasty is a dynasty, pal.

Now, if I can only get my butt out to some games during the summer, especially in light of my irredeemable crushes on fabulous tall women Lauren Jackson and Ruth Riley.